So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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