Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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