I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
