So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
