Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize