Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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