Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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