Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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