party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize