I faked an abortion last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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