I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize