Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
