im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
