i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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