Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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