if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
