I wish i was in the wii world.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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