Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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