Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize