he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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