dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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