how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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