Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
