I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
