Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
