she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
