My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
