Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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