I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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