rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
