I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
