its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize