i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
