I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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