I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
