ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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