One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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