My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
