He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize