he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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