i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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