Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
