You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have so many feelings about this burrito
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
