he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize