Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
