remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
