laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
