If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize