Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
