If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
