I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
