i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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