i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
