but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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