so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
