I'm lost and stupid without you.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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