Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
