sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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