I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
