sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
