let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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