he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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