omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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