My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize