i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
