they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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