yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
