Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
