god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
