For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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