i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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